Dear Bloggie,
I turned 18 eighteen days ago. Everything feels not the same anymore. I have officially become a young adult until I turn 25 years old seven years later.
It feels so great that I have been living and breathing for EIGHTEEN years. I wonder how many days have I survived. Those days represent how much time I am in a happy mood or the opposite one.
Lately, I have been inspired by many inspirational quotes. Those are good for motivation so I pasted some of my favourite quotes on the board. One of the quotes sounds so : ‘Work as though you would live forever and live as though u would die today’. Interesting right?
I have been figured about death all the time. It is a fear to me although I am still a young girl. It is awful that something you fear of will always stick on your mind no matter what. I was afraid to face death as death symbolizes separation.
I often think myself as weak and afraid that if someday I leave this world and everyone forgets about me. The same question appears at the same time ‘ Do you still remember anyone who WAS close to you or have any relation with you?’ I could not imagine even a second that my close family member or who leaves me behind.
However, Buddha said that ‘Even death is not to be feared by who has lived wisely’. I started to think and immerse myself in several situation. Despite living in fear of death or living as a fearful person, I should start LIVING WISELY. That is the right way of living.
Although I declare myself as an individual who is slightly different from others, I am still a human being who breathes in the oxygen as others. My life is always a dramatic one. Not to say pity, it is rather interesting. Sad things lead to positive ones and they go round and round.
I truly understand that all the things are being arranged by God but we do have the power to change our mind and decisions which affect our entire life. Willing to make changes, willing to take up challenges are the good attitudes of improving ourselves. We should improve ourselves all the time. I do believe that no one will adverse in studies as the line is always appreciating with knowledge we obtained.
My friend started to write a journal about himself after he turned 18 a week ago. I am not sure about the difference between a journal and a diary. But I know the difference between these two items and blog. Journals and diaries have strong sentimental values as they may be passed on to their children and grandchildren. They may even be published and read by everyone if you are a famous kind of people. I chose to write blog in the form of diaries at most of the time. The main reason is rather foolish since I write blogs to seek for attentions. Yes, I am an attention seeker. I hope to get notice by my friends, people who concern about me and people I care about.
After I get used of my course and coursemates, I have become a confident person. I chose to be an optimist instead of pessimist. My mother used to say that no one would like a girl with a groomy face everyday. I can fully understand that after I gained my confident. Perharps not many people notice my changes, but I do change a lot in better ways. I fought with my fear bravery and gained corage. Not to say I am a fearless person, but I know that courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. J
I also learnt to be a loyal friend. I listen to my friends’ problems and difficulties and share out mine as well. It feels awesome when my friends are around me. I feel secure but I know I should not depend too much on them deep inside my heart. Friendship is a precious thing and it should never be defeated by distance. I want to tell my friends which are not by my side that I miss you all a lot and hope you feel the same towards me too.
My life, is cheerful for now. I hope that it will stay long. But I know exactly what God’s thinking and I respect all His arrangement. It is normal yet depressing during every midnight ,every late late night. I know everyone’s suggestion is surely the same, that is, not to stay up late so that I don’t have any single chance to depress or sad. I tried, it did work well but sadly, it never prolong.
Recently , I asked a friend of my friend to help me on something. He did but refused to accept any offers from me. Shockingly, he said he do not want to friend me. It hurts a lot when he said so. It is because he judged me before he knew me and even rejected to talk much with me. He do not know anything about me and I do not know anything about him yet he said that. I hope to clear things out as soon as possible. I thought I can trust him which I still am and I hope that he would not do something that stop me from keep doing so.
He caused me to lose my self-confidence. I don’t know why, I start to doubt myself, wondering am I so bad that I do not even qualified to be his friend. Today is a moody day for me although yesterday was fun and full of joy. I can still smiling each time I think about yesterday. I truly hope that friendship between ‘Hou Ji Mui’ can stay forever. Am I too greedy to think of that ? As usual, I went to pyramid after I experienced some kind of sadness.
The ice-cream shop is not the same as one year ago. I can still remember the first time I bought ice-cream from there , I need to line up and wait for a long queue. But today, even I stood for a long time in front of the order place, the guy still have not realized on my existence. I observed the place slowly, not much different but the feeling is not as comfort as old times. In front of the shoe shop next to it, there is still the same old man promoting his branded products. His voice is not as loud as last time. There is a suggestion box right in front of the cashier, I peek noticefully inside the box. Shockingly, I found that there are more negative feedbacks than the positive ones. People are not satisfied with this shop and there are plenty of ideas in my mind to ‘revive’ the shop. Okay, I know this is kind of silly.
Before I left pyramid to school, I went to Popular book store to buy something as return of the favour he did to me as he do not consider me as a friend. I have thought of buying him flashcards to assistance in his studies but I could not find one. Therefore, I went to non-fiction department to look for inspirational books. Well, indeed, I found a lot. Planned to buy some Mitch Albom’s books but afraid that he read before already. Decided to buy a book named ‘ The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks’. A great story for sure :D
