Can or Can't I do this anymore? This is neither a question nor a statement. Nothing
makes sense in this sentence. Nobody would understand, including me. Still,
this sentence describes my current life.
I am afraid
to take risks and challenges, scared of facing the unknown. Somehow my past
experience in my resume says the different thing. My father says that I always
like to take different paths from normal people, that is what forever alone
people do. I hate to be alone but I do not want to be noticeable. ‘Stay away
from spotlight’ is always the aim for my life. Withal, people know me. I also
do the best public relation (PR) jobs.
Contradictory? This is just part of my unreasonable life.
2012 is
truly a turn for everything. This is the year I actually confess to myself that
I have wasted 18 years of life doing nothing, mentally. I do not have a strong
religious view which gives me a spirit. I did not have a spirit, a spirit who
enables me to have motivation in life. Everyday passed like wind, not even
strong ones. Feels like I am having multiple lives, true life and dreamland
one.
Death has
no warning beforehand. It comes as it likes. Living in regrets? Joey never
does. Because Joey never cares about anything. Joey does not chase for things
she wants or desires. She just possessed herself saying that she would never
qualify or deserve anything. No regrets, no favourites, only styles and
whatevers. I never own myself. One day, death will swallow everything in me.
The Bucket
List – written wish list for people who treat life seriously. Appreciation of
life, not everyone has it. I am writing one. But still do not have much ideas
on what to write in the list. I guess ‘Live my life to the fullest’ is a must.
I never
have the nerve to say ‘Who are you to judge me?’ or ‘Don’t mess with me.’ .I
let people’s words go through me as they like. Yesterday, this person said he
likes my hair. Tomorrow she says she hates my style. Another day, the other
fella says he dislikes my eyes. Again and again and again. I never even criticise on theirs before. What are their rights to comment those on me? = Joey has no
courage.
Emotionless.
Smile and laugh when I’m in a depress mood and vice versa.
Lately, I
often get confused with myself, even my own name and personalities.
Therefore,
I asked my friends for their opinions and here are some descriptions of them
towards me :
Mysterious,
psychotic, super sociable, awesome, incredible, amazing, Adorable, lovely,
sleepy, naughty, nice, dramatic, erratic, hypnotic ….
I have no
idea how true are those but I think the most common adjectives I got are
psychotic, special, funny, weird, friendly and outgoing.
Still, searching
for the real Joey….
